Lately, my priorities have not been set straight. I have been all over the place, with events, activities, and sports overlapping. For example, I had a game the same day I was away at a camp. During the school year, my top priorities were church, school, and Scouts (in that order). Summer is even more overwhelming: Scouts (camps and meetings), Basketball (practice, games, and practice on my own), Church (Spiritual Competition, Writing Competition, Sunday School, Servants Preparation, Article, and Mass), School (Summer Homework), and Myself (family, friends, and personal interests).
All these activities I chose to enter, and I love each one of them, but sometimes it can get a little overwhelming. Everyone demands my presence, and thinks their activity is above all the most important. Each person in my life pushes me towards committing to at least one of these activities, and they request my “dedication” because they think they know what is best for me. Nobody believes that I try to spend time in each of these activities, and I may have missed a few but I am really trying to juggle all these at once; and when they overlap, I try to pick the one I think I will benefit most out of.
Without offending anyone, I believe I know what will be the most beneficial to me and others. When I had gone on the camp, I went knowing that only a few people I knew and felt comfortable around would end up in my group. And, I had a goal I did not know until I arrived at the campsite. I realized that I did all these activities, yet there was one thing I was missing, which was the most important of all: Faith. I try to plan out my life, and control every minute of it, yet I realized that I had put it into the wrong hands. Camping with Scouts is different from any other field trip or “camp” because none of our time is actually ours. Our leaders do an extraordinary job by keeping us occupied the three days we are there and they make sure we use up every second of our time at the campsite, from the moment we set foot on it, until we climb the bus to go home.
I learned that my time was not mine, but God’s. For the three days I spent in the wilderness I tried to do what a monk in the wilderness would do. There was obviously some slip-ups, but then again nobody’s perfect. I tried my best not to rest for too long, and every second I had I used to my advantage to become closer to God. After all, I am NFH (Not From Here). I tried to be as useful as I possibly could be, and tried my best to please not myself, but others. Once I focused on my actions, and not those of others, I realized that I COULD fix myself. Usually, in the few seconds or minutes of free time we are granted, I would have spent it with my friends because I never had the opportunity to see them, but this time that was not the case. I knew that I could see my friends at anytime, but the feeling I had, may never return. I was fatigued, yet I did not feel tired. I was dehydrated, yet I did not feel thirsty. I was filthy, yet I believed I could wait another few days before showering, if it meant I could keep that feeling.
This feeling is indescribable. It was joyful, faithful, and maybe even hopeful. I received this feeling by DOING instead of HEARING. I was ready to sacrifice anything to keep this feeling. This may have been selfish, considering that I did not try to share this feeling with others. But, I clenched unto it like it was a part of my soul, my life. This unfamiliar feeling kept me wondering. Maybe if I hadn’t gone to that camp, and done any of the other activities I had, I would have never experienced this feeling. I would have never tasted the feeling of unlimited Joy, or smelt the scent of Hope. Throughout every decision and tribulation, I have to place my uncertainty in His Hands, and listen to Him because while others may think they are sending me onto the right path, He KNOWS.